Found Diaries: Diary No. 1

Dear diary,

I have to tell you this, I’m sick of being Superman.

I know it’s pretty useful for fighting bad guys and all that crap, blah blah blah. But the fact that I have to be extra careful when touching every, single, thing, is really starting to get on my nerves! Being a superhero does not mean I don’t feel the urge to slam a door shut sometimes. But I can’t, lest I destroy the entire building, and kill everyone inside.

And let me break the news for you, I’m not getting paid for any of my services, it’s all volunteer work. I’m really thinking about creating a website, and adding a big “Donate” button right in the freakin’ middle. But I know Bruce wouldn’t let me hear the end of it. That crazy bastard needs to realize that not all of us are freakin’ millionaires!

I’m really thinking about quitting my job at the Daily Planet, it’s just not worth it any more. Instead, I’m thinking about getting a sponsorship deal. If companies are paying little kids to jump around on skate boards, I think they wouldn’t mind paying a Superhuman to fly around and deflect bullets. I’ve already sent an email to Pepsi–their logo fits perfectly with my costume. But I’m pretty sure they won’t believe the email came from me. I guess I’ll have to fly there myself. Ah! what a drag!

What else, diary?

Oh! good news, I’ll be receiving my new phone tomorrow. It’s an iPhone5X, a normal iPhone5S that has been treated with a special-scientific-mumbo-jumbo substance to be able to withstand my grip. No more broken phones after a stupid argument with Bats. Thanks, Bruce.

I’m thinking about staying at home for the rest of the day. It’s not like the world is going to end, right?

….

Oh C’mon! That lady in Japan has been screaming for help since I started writing this entry! WHY HASN’T ANYONE HELPED HER YET? Flash? GL? Anyone?

So one day of peace is too much to ask for, huh!

Ok, stupid diary, if I fly now, I think I can catch her before she reaches the ground. Ciao!

 

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